Confusion
by Laikwalasse
Summary: After Elladan s death Elrohir struggles to go on. Why was this morning so different from all the others? Elrohir was going to find out…
1. Chapter 1

Confusion

Disclaimer:

The characters, places, and events are creations of J.R.R. Tolkien. No profit was or will be made from this story. It was written solely for entertainment.

Author's note:

As always many thanks to my beta reader Erulisse.

Summary:

After Elladan´s death Elrohir struggles to go on. Why was this morning so different from all the others? Elrohir was going to find out…

Rating: PG-13

Chapter 1: a nightmare comes true

The piercing pain in his right side caused Elrohir to cry out in surprise and shock. Fortunately he had just dispatched the last orc charging at him because his sword tumbled out of his numb fingers.

With wide eyes he gazed down his body to look at the damage and to his utter amazement he could see nothing! He was not imagining the pain though; the pulsing sensations were still flooding his body in waves. But there was no blood, no gaping wound, not even torn clothing. But still the pain…

Realization slowly but steadily crept into his consciousness. Again he cried out but this time not in pain but with anguish. Frantically he looked around.

What he had already feared was confirmed a second later. Elladan was doubled over kneeling on the ground, his hand clutching his side. Even from across the clearing Elrohir could see blood pouring from a wound just below his ribcage.

Swallowing his anguish Elrohir ran across the clearing to kneel a second later next to his brother. Elladan was panting heavily his eyes squeezed shut. Elrohir knew instantly that his brother was badly wounded. With gentleness he caught the swaying body of his twin and lowered him to the ground.

Despite his care Elladan cried out in pain and Elrohir blanched. The wound opened more and great amounts of dark red blood pulsed forth. Elladan no longer had the strength to cover the wound with his hand. With fumbling fingers Elrohir ripped the healing pouch on his belt open and retrieved a linen roll.

Ignoring his brother's ragged breaths he pressed the patch as firmly as he dared over the wound. Elladan moaned loudly and clutched his arm in a bruising grip. Within seconds the linen roll was soaked and Elrohir groaned with rising panic. Grabbing for another roll he looked at his brother's face. Elladan´s face had lost all colour. His eyes were open, looking at him with a strange expression.

"Hold on, Elladan. Please hold on," Elrohir pleaded his voice choked with tears. Tearing his gaze from his brother's face Elrohir looked up and sighed with relief when he saw Glorfindel running toward them. He was in dire need of another pair of helping hands.

His eyes fixed on Elladan the warrior knelt down. Without a word or a question he lifted the bloodied hand of the younger twin and replaced it a second later. The look he directed at Elrohir spoke volumes. This wound was as bad as it looked.

More and more patrol members were now emerging from the woods. During the fight they had been separated from the main group of the patrol. Quickly they build a defensive circle around their Lords and Troop commander.

While still applying pressure on the wound Elladan suddenly relaxed into his brother's arms. Elrohir tightened his hold instinctively with a sob. "Elladan no! It will be alright, please hold on a bit longer…." the younger twin pleaded unheeding of the worried looks directed at them.

"Sorry, little brother, not this time. Please just…. hold me?" was all Elladan was able to utter before he closed his eyes. Elrohir could only comply already busy trying to take away the final stages of pain through their bond.

Yet he could not prevent the inevitable. He let out a keening wail at the last echo of his brother's departing _fea_.

To be continued…..


	2. Chapter 2

Confusion

Chapter 2: I'm going mad?

"Why are you in such a sour mood, Elrondion? It's much too fine a day for sleeping so long."

Elrohir, confused, blinked at the warrior leaning over his bed who was relieving him of his bed covers.

He had not even heard Glorfindel enter the room, nor did he appreciate being awakened in such a manner. At his irritated look the warrior only laughed and tossed him his leggings.

"Hurry, you are missing breakfast," he called over his shoulder and was already out the door closing it with a loud thud.

Elrohir glanced at the closed door aghast. He knew that Glorfindel had a weird sense of humour but this was going too far.

Yes, Elladan´s death was now five months past, but what was expected of him? Did they think that he would return to normal and act as if nothing had happened? He felt his brother's death as keenly now as on the day when one-half of his soul had been ripped out forever.

He struggled day after day against the overwhelming desire to fade. He pretended that he could go on without his brother at his side but he knew that he was betraying himself in the long run. He was not living he was merely surviving, and this only for the sake of his father.

The Elf-lord had been devastated when word had reached him that Elladan had been killed. Elrohir was sure that his father would succumb to grief if he would give in and fade.

Yet, how long could he hold up this charade? Part of him had died with Elladan on that fateful day and the other part was slowly dying every day he had to endure without his twin. His father would have to accept this sooner or later.

Elrohir did not underestimate his father's perception. Although the Half-elf's sharp mind was clouded by grief, he looked at him differently of late, as if expecting him to make the final announcement every moment.

Glorfindel´s cheerful attitude this morning just didn't fit the depressed atmosphere in the house. Their long time mentor had been as devastated as all the other family members and he had never returned to his unique mannerisms since then.

With a heavy sigh and the now familiar ache in his heart Elrohir dragged himself into the bathing chamber. Surprisingly he felt hungry and earnestly considered accepting Glorfindel´s invitation.

Since Elladan´s death he had no longer felt hungry and only the constant urging of his father had sustained him so far. He had mostly kept to himself in the last months. The despair surrounding him was only endurable in his own rooms.

When he had made himself presentable he left his rooms and nearly collided with Erestor hurrying down the corridor.

"Good morning, Elrohir," the advisor called over his shoulder and vanished around a corner. Elrohir shook his head. Was this a new strategy to cheer him up? He frowned. This was weird. Nothing would ever fill the emptiness which had taken permanent residence in his soul and this pretend cheerfulness around him all of a sudden would only succeed in driving him further away.

Elrohir had nearly reached the end of the corridor when the door to his father's study opened. He stopped short, surprised by the sight. Seeing the Elf-lord this early in the morning coming from his office was a rare sight of late. Although in the past he had been determined to run the community as efficiently as possible, Elrond had sorely neglected his duties in the last months.

However Elrohir´s surprise turned into irritation when his father smiled at him openly. "Good morning, my son. Did you sleep well?" he asked with the same cheerfulness Glorfindel and Erestor had displayed this morning.

Elrohir swallowed. What was this game about? His father knew that he had not slept properly since Elladan´s death – nightmares and night terrors had been his ever-present companions since then.

His father had endured many a night with him united in their shared grief.

However his father's smile vanished when he saw the bewildered expression on his son's face. "Elrohir what is it?" he asked his tone concerned now. "What is ailing you?"

Elrohir had to blink. His father's question seemed earnest and the worry in his eyes appeared genuine. As if his father did not know what was bothering him.

Before Elrohir could react in any way the door to the dining room opened and Elladan poked his head out. "Hey sleepy-head, about time you arrived. I'm starving. Come in!" he called winking at his brother.

Elrohir fainted without giving his father a chance to catch his body before he hit the floor.

To be continued…..


	3. Chapter 3

Confusion

Chapter 3: a faint hope?

When Elrohir awoke and opened his eyes he looked into the concerned face of his father. Leaning against the opposite wall was Glorfindel silently conversing with Thalan, the head healer.

He felt strangely light-headed, yet he could not remember having been given something to relax.

Wracking his brain he was unable to determine why this had been necessary. Not knowing why he had been brought to the infirmary made him nervous.

When his father lightly touched his cheek he refocused on his father's eyes still looking at him intently.

"Elrohir, how do you feel?" he inquired softly. "You scared me, my son."

As if a lock had been opened all of his memories came rushing back at once; the ache in his heart, the overwhelming grief, the shock in seeing ….Elladan ALIVE?

With an anguished cry Elrohir jerked up and looked around wildly.

Having not expected this Elrond quickly grabbed his son's arm to prevent him from leaving his bed.

"Ada," Elrohir cried. "I'm going mad. I thought I saw Elladan….but this cannot be….I know….."

Burying his head in his hands Elrohir began to sob. Over his head Elrond directed a concerned gaze at Glorfindel and Thalan.

Gently the Elf-lord embraced his son and held him close until his sobs had lessened.

"Elrohir, listen to me," he said softly. "It's perfectly alright. And I assure you, you are not going mad. Nothing is wrong with you."

Contrary to his expectation Elrohir jerked away from the embrace and stared at his father incredulously.

"But, Ada," he cried. "Elladan is dead. How can he be here?"

Mastering all his self control Elrond looked levelly at his son. He took the face of his son between his palms.

"Elrohir listen to me. I do not know where you got the impression that your brother is dead. He is waiting next door and he is very worried about you."

Elrohir looked at his father uncomprehendingly. Why was he doing this to him? Was the game from the morning continuing? Why did they all want to fool him? For months he had worked to accept the fact that his brother was dead and now all around him were telling him that this was not true?

Suddenly his heart begun to pound wildly. What if….what if Elladan actually was alive?

No! He had seen him die.

He still felt the loss and the ache in his heart…did he really? What was he feeling right now?

Sensing the utter confusion of his son Elrond only nodded into Glorfindel's direction whereupon the warrior turned and left the room.

Elrond held the gaze of his son until the door opened again and Glorfindel followed by Elladan entered the room. With a sound between sob and sigh Elrohir gazed at his brother tears streaming down his face.

Suppressing his irritation and worry Elladan simply stepped forward and embraced his brother in a tight grip.

The body in his arms was wracked with heavy sobs. Elladan only tightened his grip. "Shh, Elrohir. I'm here now. All will be well. Open your heart, brother!" he demanded softly.

Elrohir however could not relax. His sobs only increased while all of his pent up grief was released. He could not understand how it was possible for Elladan to be standing right in front of him. His mind must be playing a trick on him.

At this moment however, he did not care. It was too overwhelming to feel the loving arms around him, too heavenly to feel the presence of his brother filling the emptiness in his heart. He was unable to stop crying.

Elladan did not mind and continued holding his brother until Elrohir had exhausted himself. Hovering nearby Elrond and Glorfindel watched in concern.

When Elrohir had succumbed to his exhaustion Elladan lowered him back onto the bed and covered him with a blanket.

After Elrond had made sure that the younger twin was resting and a healer had been assigned to sit with him, the three elves left the room.

After closing the door to his father's study Elladan looked straight at the healer. "Ada, why does Elrohir believe me dead? Only yesterday everything seemed well with him!"

The Elf-lord did not answer at first. He had asked himself this very question and he had no real answer. Something intense must have happened to the younger twin overnight. After spending a pleasant evening in the Hall of fire Elrohir had retired without any indication that anything was wrong.

Glorfindel was staring out of the window, yet Elladan was sure that the warrior was listening attentively.

"Ada?" Elladan tried again when his father didn't respond. Finally the Elf-lord directed a thoughtful gaze at his oldest son.

"I do not think that Elrohir has lost his mind, yet something must have happened to make him believe that you died."

The very thought let the Elf-lord swallow.

"A dream?" Glorfindel suddenly queried. He had moved from the window and was now perched on a chair's armrest.

Elladan frowned. "You are not truly suggesting that he dreamed that I was killed and this is continuing even after waking?" he asked sceptically.

Glorfindel only shrugged his shoulders while Elrond rose and begun pacing the room.

"I would not call it a dream, rather an intense vision!"

Elladan paled at the implication. Now it was Glorfindel who frowned.

"Are you saying that he dreamed of something that could happen and this dream was so intense that he believes that it has already happened?"

"Yes!" Elrond replied. "I have no other explanation."

Elladan swallowed. If it was like his father suggested, and he had no doubt about that, then Elrohir had glimpsed some part of their future…of his future.

Elladan sprang up. "I have to go to him. I will relieve him of his anguish and I have to determine what he has seen!"

Elrond held up his hand. "Be careful, Elladan. You know how deceiving vision can be!"

Nodding curtly Elladan left the room.

To be continued…..


	4. Chapter 4

Confusion

Chapter 4: a second chance?

Elrohir awoke with the sensation of someone stroking his cheek. He slowly opened his eyes expecting his father and gasped at seeing his brother. Elladan was smiling down at him and he felt so real, so warm….

Elrohir squeezed his eyes shut. He wanted nothing more as to give in to the wonderful sensation of having his brother beside him but he still feared succumbing to an illusion, to going mad.

He could not so easily shove aside the months of loneliness, of unbearable loss; the nights he had lain awake and wished that he had died too. As much as he longed to simply forget these dark days, he feared he that he would again be disappointed, that all would turn out to be only wishful thinking.

Suddenly however a feeling combined with a firm demand moved through the bond he had shared with his brother. He had no other choice than to open his senses.

He had long closed this connection determined to never let anything come this close to his heart.

_´Open up for me, little brother. I'm here. Let me in!`_

Without thinking twice he gave into his longing and reopened the connection. He nearly gasped at the intensity of his brother's presence. His eyes flew open and he had no longer any doubt that Elladan was truly alive.

For long moments the brothers looked at each other, hopes and fears, joys and hurts quickly exchanged. No spoken words were necessary.

Nonetheless Elrohir blinked. "But how? I saw you die. You died in my arms. How is this possible?" he whispered his eyes never leaving his brother's face.

Elladan´s expression sobered. "I do not know, Elrohir. Father suggested that you had a vision!"

Elrohir gasped while struggling into a sitting position. "But…but then it could still happen!" he cried the anguish back on his face.

Carefully Elladan sat on the edge of the mattress.

"Nothing is certain in this matter. You know the nature of visions." Elladan looked away, his expression nearly angry.

Elrohir nodded. Like their father the twins were from time to time graced with visions. Elladan almost despised them. He was frustrated by the fact that he was unable to change his actions based on the visions he had. Why did he have such premonitions when he was unable to act upon them?

Elladan was startled when he looked back into his brother's face. The anguish and doubt was back full force. Was he not here to relieve his brother of these feelings?

Elladan quickly leaned forward and embraced his brother. "Stop this, Elrohir, it will lead us nowhere!"

When Elrohir nodded and drew away Elladan rose. "Come on let us go to breakfast and then we can talk this over with father."

With that he tossed his brother some clothing and winked while walking through the doorway.

Still somewhat shaken Elrohir could not help but smile. Elladan had always hated to dive too deeply into emotional matters. Anyway this was his brother and for nothing in the world he would want it to be any different.

The only thing that mattered was that Elladan was alive. Carefully Elrohir searched his heart and to his great relief the grief and the feeling of loss was already diminishing to a faint echo.

On their next patrol he would make sure that it would stay this way. He had been given a second chance and he would size it!

To be continued…


	5. Chapter 5

Confusion

Chapter 5: fate strikes

Many months later while walking with his brother, Elrohir held up his hand motioning for them to stop. Elladan had heard it too. Orcs were approaching their position.

The two of them and twenty warriors were just back from a three weeks patrol and wished for nothing more then to arrive home, have a nice hot meal that they didn't have to cook themselves and enjoy a soft bed. Obviously this would have to wait a bit longer.

Hearing a whistle, Elrohir looked up and saw Glorfindel already directing the warriors into various defensive positions. It was too late to avoid the large band so they had to fight.

Unsheathing his sword Elrohir had no time for any further thoughts. The first of the foul beasts had already appeared in the clearing. With a last look at his brother Elrohir charge for the first strike.

After two hours Elrohir was panting heavily. This fight seemed endless. He had lost count of the orcs he had already brought down but their numbers didn't dwindle. Always when he thought he had the upper hand another of the foul beasts approached.

Elladan and he had become separated from the main group during the battle. He could only faintly hear the fighting of the other warriors. Even Elladan was now a distance away from him, their usual style of fighting back to back having not worked as well as usual.

Finally he had managed to strike down the last orcs in his vicinity. Immediately he looked up to check if his brother needed any help. Suddenly a strange sensation hit him like a blow. While he looked around the clearing he had the distinct feeling that the whole scene looked familiar, that he had seen this already.

And then the memory drove home. His vision!

Over the last months he had nearly forgotten about the strange experience he had.

With near panic he jerked his head toward his brother's direction and his blood froze in his veins. Elladan was busy fighting the last orc still struggling against him, but he was totally unaware of the one fell beast which was sneaking up behind his back.

The orc had already raised his scimitar and would strike Elladan in his back without any chance for the older twin to defend himself.

Elrohir knew that he had to react instantly or his brother would be dead. A shout would only distract Elladan. He had to take down the orc himself or his vision would come true.

There was not enough time for him to draw his bow and notch an arrow. Elrohir raced across the clearing and just as the orc was about to stab his sword into his brother's side Elrohir parried the blow, hurling himself at the orc with a mighty leap and a furious cry.

After killing the orc he had been battling, Elladan whirled around at the cry and gazed, horrified, at the sight of his brother sprawled across the body of a dead orc. Elrohir was covered with blood.

Elladan hastened over and knelt beside his brother.

"Elrohir, are you alright?" he asked anxiously while lending his brother a hand to come into a sitting position. Elrohir only nodded while wiping the blood from his armour. Only now did Elladan realize that the colour of the blood was black.

Elrohir looked up and actually grinned.

"I'm alright, Elladan. I'm perfectly alright and you are too!" With this Elrohir rose and embraced his brother fiercely.

Elladan returned the embrace heartily but after pulling away he looked at his brother in bewilderment.

"Elrohir, is everything really alright?" he asked tentatively. The smile on his brother's face did not vanish, instead it increased. He wanted nothing more then to thank his brother for saving his life but his behaviour was confusing him.

Sobering Elrohir stepped closer.

"Elladan, everything is alright. Really, it could not be better!"

Knowing his brother better then anyone else Elladan frowned but refrained from asking further. Elrohir would tell him when he was ready.

When the brothers turned they came face to face with a thoughtful looking Glorfindel.

"That leap was spectacular, Elrohir. One second later and your brother would be dead. Your reaction was amazing, as if you had known what would happen…"

Elrohir only laughed and walked past the warriors unaware of the bewildered looks following him. Actually he did not care.

Obviously Glorfindel and his brother did not remember the past vision and he was only happy he had remembered in time.

Visions were not that bad after all, at least not always.

The End.


End file.
